I'll be completely honest: I've caught a glimpse of a girl in a revealing top or a short skirt on a day when I'm feeling absolutely shitty about myself and found that word passing through my thoughts. I've watched the girls with stars in their eyes and liquor in their veins teeter on sky-high heels from the latest party and found myself thinking 'they're just asking for trouble'. We all have. We're all guilty.
I'm by no means a societal expert, but I am an expert in my experiences. And my experience is telling me that we think these things because society has told us that it's okay. In high school, a friend of mine was involved in an incident involving her, a pair of shorts, and a boy who couldn't keep his hands to himself. When she went to the principal to address the issue, she was advised to stop wearing those shorts. The boy was never even called into the office.
"She deserved it"
"She shouldn't have been drinking."
"She should've known better than to wear that."
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! What about the guys who get raped? Were their tits hanging out too much? Or kids who are sexually molested? Their Cinderella nightgowns were too short, right? And let's not forget the girls in cultures where women can't drink/wear revealing clothing/breathe without someone else's approval. Totally their fault, duh.
Honestly, I was starting to lose some faith in humanity. And then, through the magical world of Tumblr , the phenomena of the SlutWalk was revealed to me. Women and men taking a stand against the absolute asshattery that is slut-shaming and victim-blaming in one of the best ways they know how. Taking to the streets, spreading the world, forcing others to address the issue. It's worked for Civil Rights, Gay Rights, Women's Rights... Sounds good to me.
The movement started in Toronto, after a misguided (read: asshole) police officer offered the suggestion that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized". People gathered together with their signs and their proverbial balls on their sleeves, ready to fight to the good fight. "Sluts [heart] consent", "consent turns me on", "my dress is not a yes", and "causes of rape: [ ] alcohol [ ] short skirts [X] rapists" are amongst some of the absolutely brilliant statements being made.
Rochester had their first walk on April 15th and I've been keeping my eyes peeled for the next one. I know a lot of people won't see the point in it, but every small bit of help makes a difference, right?
It just seems so idiotically obvious that it seems insulting to bring it up: "wrong to rape someone no matter what they are wearing." If I have to point that out, then you must have pretty severe developmental issues, but then you find people who still need to be schooled... A word on sluts... I don't attach the word slut to a particular gender. I'm annoyed by people who sleep around a lot and whose whole milieu is sexual conquest... boring... I still don't think they should be raped... (violence bad) they still annoy me.
ReplyDeleteI had heard about these slut walks a couple weeks ago and I have to admit all I did was laugh because I thought they sounded ridiculous. However I didn't really stop to think about the issues that they were marching for. I now see that I was wrong to just ridicule these marches, but I worry that others reactions to them will be similar to what my first response was.
ReplyDeleteLet me say I love the concept of the Slutwalk and I missed the one in April. I would love the chance to participate. On the issue you bring up in your post I agree and disagree with you. First, NO ONE deserves to be treated as if they're an object or worth less than who they are. You're right the statements you hear over and over again (which you pointed out) are bullshit! But I am amazed at those people who dress the way they do, mini-skirts, black eye liner, piercings, chains, mo-hawks and so on, are the first ones to be surprised when they get the attention they do. Personally I'm drawn to those people because usually they're nicer and have nothing to hide. But don't be shocked by the attention.
ReplyDeleteIn direct response to Mark's comment, for more years than I care to count prior to being a mommy, I was rocking mini skirts, black eye liner, piercings, chains, and a 6" high fire engine red spiked mohawk every single day, no matter where I was or what I was doing. Of COURSE I was bound to get attention, even now as a heavily tattooed adult I get strangers coming up to me constantly wanting to talk about my ink, or my plugs, or something else unconventional on me. Attention is one thing - most alternative adults understand that. Abuse and harassment, however, are something totally different. I've been subject to wandering hands, even from strangers, who just assume that because I look different that means I'm a "freak". Um... no. Appearance is never an invitation. Same goes for women with cleavage, a tight dress, a short skirt - they're aware they'll get attention. And that's fine. But destructive attention, harassing attention, and anything even teetering near the line of rape is never, ever, ever asked for. That's not attention. That's hate.
ReplyDeleteThe social stigma attached to drunk girls bothers me. Despite my carefully cultivated image of being a bastard, I try to help people, and I cannot count the number of times that I have been screamed at (and on one particularly amusing occasion, talked to by cops) all because I'm trying to help a drunk girl walk the last fifteen feet back to her house/dorm. No good deed goes unpunished, it seems.
ReplyDeleteOf course, whenever I read about victim-blaming in rape, I recall an article I read about a man who got off a rape charge because the girl he was with had previously expressed having a rape fantasy. The lengths to which people will go to shift the blame off of themselves sickens me.
Good Rant! So much passion and emotion.
ReplyDeleteThere is much that should be changed in ways of thinking. Abuse and the resultant blame-shifting tactics are a couple of them.
Humanity is doomed, or not? The way
ReplyDeleteI look at it, we need to change or nothing will change, but socially what's acceptable is becoming more and more blurred.