A couple years ago, for her daughter’s 10th birthday, my boss purchased tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. I’d heard the name before and knew she was supposed to be some sort of country prodigy, but, seeing as I don’t listen to the radio much, I had no idea what any of her songs actually sounded like. As a lover of music, I’m willing to give anything a try. A nice Google search gave me a list of her singles and a couple rounds in piracy (rest in peace, Limewire) provided the material. All that was left was to get one step closer to being some mother’s “cool” coworker.
First up, “Tears on My Guitar”. A pretty voice, a fairly simple guitar line, but some of the most melodramatic lyrics I’d ever heard:
“He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do…”
Whatever. She was in her teens when she wrote it. Every girl goes through that heartbroken, lovesick girl phase. I switched to something from a year later, “Love Story”:
“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult but it's real.
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".”
Maybe I was just crazy, but the entire thing seemed a bit… well, contradictory. A young girl trying hard to rebel against what is being told of her, yet relying on the words of someone else in the end. If she doesn’t have to follow what the ominous “they” say, why does she need to follow what “Romeo” says? Why does she need his help to escape from it. They couldn’t all have been this bad.
But they were. Every single one of them was full of the same, melodramatic, and downright demeaning lyrics. This was what young girls were being taught these days? That the only way to be happy was the find the right man, to have him whisk you away from all of your troubles, and to not be “that girl”, whatever “that” may be. It just all seemed so back asswards to me. Even her songs of supposed “empowerment” demean other women, those who fit into the standard ideal of what is beautiful.
No, not every girl is the “perfect” woman. But since when was it okay for these different types of girls to be pitted against each other? It’s hard enough to be a girl when you have society and the outside world at your back, but to have your own kind shooting you down, too? That is the message that we’re trying to give to our girls?
When I was ten, I had Gwen Stefani telling me that someone could be “Just a girl” and try and break from the norms. Destiny’s Child was telling me that I could make it on my own and that I didn’t need anyone else to achieve my dreams. The Spice Girls were even telling me that if someone wants to love you, they need to love every part of you (especially your friends). These were women who taught me to stand up for myself, dream as big as I possibly could, and then dream a little more.
I’m nowhere near starting a family of my own, and there’s absolutely no guarantee that I will have a daughter. But if I’m ever so lucky, I am genuinely concerned about who will be the good role model for her. I’m not looking for someone perfect (because who in the music industry ever is). All I want for my future daughter and the girls of tomorrow is to find someone who will give them the right messages.
Fairy tales are what you make them. You don’t need a man (or even a woman) to validate how special you are. And if you want to run away on your “white horse”, hold onto the reins for yourself.
